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“I am transformed into a whole new person.”

Case study: Rishi Vadera
PRIMARY SCHOOL Teacher

About me:

My name is Rishi Vadera, and for the past eight years, I’ve dedicated myself to the field of education, primarily focusing on the primary sector.

I take pride in cultivating solid connections within my close-knit family, fostering numerous friendships, and maintaining a relentless drive to explore new opportunities and embrace adventures.

THE CHALLENGE:

Under the surface, I faced internal challenges despite outward appearances of stability—starting a new role, owning my place, and being in good physical condition. Following another breakup, I found myself grappling with feelings of failure at the age of 31 and single.

Comparisons with friends became a constant source of self-doubt, leading me to question my worth, stating, “There must be something wrong with me if I’m not in a relationship.” My inner dialogue turned negative, and I drew inaccurate conclusions about the trajectory of my life. Despite prior experiences in therapy,

I sought the assistance of a life coach to provide an objective perspective, helping me break free from negative thought patterns and fostering a positive self-view.

Headshot- Rishi 2

THE GOAL:

My objective was to enlist support in developing better discernment when selecting a romantic partner.

I tended to invest entirely in relationships with individuals who weren’t well-suited for me.

I aimed to enhance my internal resilience and recognise my intrinsic worth as an individual, essentially embracing the truth that I am indeed a catch! While initially prompted by a breakup, enrolling in coaching proved transformative as it allowed me to uncover the barriers preventing me from becoming the best version of myself.

Rishi case study

THE JOURNEY:

Embarking on this transformative journey with Tomas involved fortnightly sessions focused on updating him about my dating experiences.

In a direct yet respectful manner, Tomas delved into my thoughts and questioned some of my core beliefs, allowing me to reframe my thinking in a more self-serving light.

A pivotal moment occurred when I expressed feeling like a failure for not having a girlfriend.

Tomas prompted me to respond to my matches, irrespective of my initial feelings towards them, making me realise that having a partner was not merely an achievement; having the right one was.

He emphasised that while I could have a partner if I wished, taking the necessary time to be ready for the right person was crucial.

Throughout our sessions, we also worked on establishing boundaries and identifying “non-negotiables.”

Tomas highlighted that the dating journey was both exciting and perfectly acceptable, but time was irreversible, urging me to be mindful of how I invested it.

The wisdom gained from these sessions proved valuable for me and my friends experiencing similar challenges.

The regular check-ins and updates served as a beneficial mechanism, propelling me forward and holding me accountable for recurring negative thoughts.

The Result:

I am transformed into a whole new person, attributing this change to combining practical advice, exploring challenging feelings, intellectual discussions, and regular check-ins. This transformation feels like having a protective forcefield around me, rendering external judgments powerless; I am now in control of my life and thriving.

I immersed myself in various aspects of my life, including dating, fitness, and the new realm of public speaking and performing on stage, which I had always been interested in exploring. While I hesitate to label it as success, recognising that being in a relationship doesn’t equate to success, I did find my ideal partner during this period. She shares the same values, and we are building a life together. Without the work accomplished with Tomas, I cannot be sure I would have been in the right headspace to meet her.

Furthermore, I have ceased comparing my achievements with others and take pride in my personal growth. Instead of a self-critical response, my immediate reaction when a friend achieves something is genuine happiness and celebration for them. This shift in perspective is a testament to the positive impact of the work we undertook.

 

 

The Experience:

This transformative experience had someone who held me accountable for my own life, putting me firmly in control.

Tomas instilled in me the realisation that, even in the face of setbacks, opportunities abound, and I am empowered to shape them.

This newfound sense of agency and accountability has been instrumental in steering my life’s course.

 

Rishi half marathon

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