How to sort your life out over a cup of coffee.
The human mind is a complicated thing, and life itself is full of challenges, unpredictability, dreams, desires, plans, love and confusion.
No wonder people get stuck in the middle of it all!
And then, at some point, it becomes too much to just tolerate it, to be hitting the same wall, to run in a loop. So they decide to do something about it. They decide to buy a personal development book, watch a YouTube video, or look for a life coach. Sometimes they may even know one, so they think “Let’s reach out and get in touch.”
Every now and then, I get a message that goes like this:
“Hi Tomas, I’m really stuck in life and have been for months/years now. I’m not sure what to do anymore. My life sucks, I hate my job, and my relationship is falling to pieces. I need your help…”
I understand. I’ve been there. Everyone can get into a tough place in life especially if you’re spinning too many plates or entering new territories. But then…
“…Can I buy you coffee, have a chat and pick your brain? You are a great coach, I’m sure it would help me.”
Hold on Billy. Your life is all over the place, your job, relationship, and your sanity are hanging on the last bits, misery is taking over your life like the Army of the Dead’s taking over in The Game of Thrones, and all you are ready to do to fix all that… is to have a chat over a cup of coffee?
If you’re in the thick of life you need to take a moment right now and calibrate your scales of “pain”.
Avoiding pain and discomfort is probably the greatest motivational force in life.
It’s is a survival drive because if you’re in physical or emotional pain, your life is likely threatened. This drive is an evolutionary adaptation – and it’s out of date, somewhat.
It’s a survival drive because if you’re in physical or emotional pain, your life is likely threatened. It’s an evolutionary adaptation – and it’s out of date, somewhat.
Nowadays we suffer more often from emotional pain than physical, and it has to do with the psychological pressures of today’s society. Arguing with your boss, having your loved one slamming the door on you, unreliable WIFI, the rush hour traffic jam, or feeling like a loser for whatever reason can be an emotional torture, but very rarely leads to actual physical pain (and before you make that “yeah, but…” comment, note that I’m simplifying things here).
Do you know what we also see as a great source of emotional pain? Change (even for better), getting outside of our comfort zone, doing what’s not fun, facing our fears (and/or the truth), and my favourite: facing the possibility of realising that the big dream we’ve had for ages was just a bubble and won’t work.
And so people sit on the fence, or often on the wrong side of: “Should I be uncomfortable (suffer, really) through what my life is, OR through doing something about it?”
Often people decided to struggle through what they know rather than through something new.
Often what they forget to add to the formula is ‘time’.
Living a life that is not making you happy and not doing anything about it will prolong that suffering into decades, because things won’t get better by themselves. However, going through the initial discomfort that comes with improving your life will last just a few months until it gets better and your norm is elevated and redefined – or you actually fall in love with the process of constantly getting better.
So don’t be cheap with yourself. If your life is worth anything to you (and it should be invaluable), then it deserves a bit more commitment from you than just 30 minutes and a couple of pounds for coffee.
Regardless of how difficult your situation is and how much life sucks right now, you can turn it around. It may take weeks, months, or maybe years, but you’re going to enjoy the results for decades. Every day I see people overcoming obstacles, fears, frustrations, reaching new goals and heights, accomplishing things they thought were not possible.
And they have one thing in common: they put their progress above their comfort.
So can you sort your life out over a cup of coffee?
Totally – but it will take a lot of cups, and not all in one sitting (we want to improve your life, not have you bouncing off the walls).
So if coffee is essential for you, and it helps you get into that GSD zone, bring it to your coaching sessions, or find a coach who will make you a nice one (hint: I do).
If you need a support of a life coach, you’re always welcome to contact me and let’s find out if we’d be the right match.